When something goes wrong, or when we don’t get what we want, we tend to dwell on it far too long. We let our minds hang out there as if thinking about every scenario and how things could have been different or what everybody did and said will keep it alive so that we still have a chance to get what we want.
But the reality is that the moment is gone. The time has passed. We didn’t get what we wanted.
And the more we stay in that space – usually a space of self-loathing and self-pity – the further and further we get from what we want.
Maybe we think that we are supposed to lament or feel shame and remorse. But through lamenting, we trap ourselves in the past. We want to believe that as long as we feel it and keep it real and active in our minds, it still exists. Yet, it does not exist. Not anymore. And we can’t change anything that happened.
We Must Limit Our Loathing
We must not allow ourselves to loathe too long to prevent getting stuck in that space and enslaving ourselves to embarrassment or grief. We must not let loathing overstay its welcome or else it’ll be exponentially harder to pull ourselves out from the snare as more time passes. And if we weaken too much, we’ll end up surrendering as victims who are helpless against external forces, which is not helpful.
A better solution is to move on quickly. Of course, feel the feelings and accept that being human means having feelings. But do not dwell too long and do not attach to such feelings.
Let the event go. Accept it as part of the past, and let it remain in the past. Do not let it linger in the present or become a companion for the future. Learn from it, grow from it, but let it be what it is.
We Must Move On and Let Go
Moving on doesn’t mean we don’t have feelings. It doesn’t make us insensitive or incapable of compassion or empathy. It simply means that we accept the past and let the past stay in the only place it actually exists.
The more we attach to the past, the more the past attaches to us. Therefore, the more we bring the past into our present and future, the harder it is to let go.
So, let go now while it’s still just an event. Don’t let it grow in your mind. Don’t let it attach to you. Observe it, observe your feelings, accept and express your feelings, accept the event, then release your feelings and let it all just be.
Move on quickly. Let go quickly.
You are moving through time. That event is not. Don’t bring it with you or you’ll be holding yourself back and preventing a happy future.
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