The past couple weeks I have been incredibly lazy and unmotivated. I have done minimal physical activity and have eaten almost anything I could get my hands on (and it was not healthy). Last night, I realized that I was on the brink of developing the habit to choose laziness over what I say is truly important to me – choosing to do things that help me feel great most days.

My body felt so swollen from all the salty foods I consumed. My joints were cracking with every movement, and my muscles ached when I stretch them. My thinking was fuzzy, and I could not concentrate to save my life. My emotions were all over the place, and I started feeling a little depressed.

Last night, I just about had it with the way I was behaving. So, I peeled myself off of the couch, put on my running shoes, and set out for a light jog. It was so painful, pure torture. But by the end, I was loving every minute of it.

I could feel the sweat seep from my pores. My organs were jiggling around wondering what the heck I was doing to them. My lungs were burning and my airways were tight. My intestines felt like they would explode right out of my abdomen. I started to wonder if my ankles would last for the route back home.

But I kept going. I plunged through the discomfort, the embarrassment, and self-doubt. When I was done, I felt amazing and proud.

I came back to the house and my husband-to-be asked me how it went. I simply told him it was great. I did not talk about how my insides hurt the whole time or how I felt the back of my legs jiggle every time I stepped down. I just told him that it was great because I went – I got out and ran when I did not want to.

At this point, it really does not matter to me if I am faster or slower than anyone, behind the curve, or not working toward improving my time. Right now, all I want to do is prove to myself that I am capable of committing to myself. If I say I am going to do something, I must do it. Period. I say I want to be fit and feel good most days (everyday is just not realistic), so I do the things I need to do to be fit and feel good, even if I do not want to.

Ultimately, I want to stop acting like someone other than myself. I have a concept of who I am, what I believe, and how I am supposed live. But when I start acting like someone who does not care or refuses to do what she is supposed to, I begin to lose faith in myself and can feel my whole world start to crumble apart. Running is a sure fire way to get me back on track and realign my choices with who I truly am.

REFLECTION

How about you? Are you wondering why things are not going the way you want? Maybe you are drifting from your path without realizing it. Spend a few minutes stepping outside yourself. Take a good hard look at how you have been acting and the decisions you have made lately. Are you acting like the person you truly are? Or are you acting like someone else – someone you do not want to be? Check yourself and figure out what you need to do to get back on track. Immediately after you are done evaluating yourself, do something that reflects the person you really are in order to build momentum and continue living the life you want.