I read a quote on Pinterest recently that really stuck with me. It is a quote spoken by Winston Churchill: “You have enemies? Good. That means you stood up for something, sometime in your life.”
We typically want people to like us. When people don’t like us, we feel uncomfortable and conflict can result. People not liking us is similar to rejection, even if those people suck more than we do.
We need to let go of the need for everyone to like us. There’s so much pressure in wanting everyone to like us. We have to be “on” at all times, in all crowds, and all situations. We can never let our hair down or have a bad day. We can never be grumpy for fear of judgment or negative talk. We can never show someone that we’ve reached our tolerance level and snap. We have to be perfect human beings at all times and show our best selves at all times.
That sounds exhausting…and unrealistic.
Why don’t you like me?
If someone doesn’t like us, it is for one of the following reasons:
– They are jealous or feel threatened, which is a result of their own self-hate.
– We directly insulted or hurt them. If it was intentional, then we were being jerks. If it was unintentional, then there was a misunderstanding and we need to be more mindful of our words and delivery (and they may need to toughen up a smidge).
– We are not like them. We don’t fit into their crowd and so they judge and reject us.
– We stand opposite of them. We don’t believe in their beliefs and have the confidence to say so.
There are plenty of other specific reasons why someone wouldn’t like us. Most of these reasons are outside of our control.
My mother still to this day preaches to me, “You can’t control what other people say, think, or do, you can only control your reaction.” (Sweet Mamma, I’m so sorry that I rarely listen to your amazing words of wisdom. It’s nothing personal, I’m just still learning this lesson over and over again after 30 years of being taught. Please keep preaching.)
In the heat of the moment, it’s so hard to be emotionally detached enough to quickly recognize that other people’s disapproval is outside of our control and more a reflection of their self-hate and insecurity than it is about us.
It’s so dang hard.
But maybe to help us improve our thinking when we’re not in the heat of the moment, we can practice letting go of what other people think of us. Then, perhaps that way of thinking will become habit and give us the ability to react wisely during “heat of the moment” situations.
Practice letting go
Let go of the need to be liked by everyone. Not everyone will like you and that is okay.
Do you sincerely like every single person you know and meet? Probably not. So, don’t expect everyone you know and meet to like you.
Let go of the need to be liked and accepted. Accept yourself and what you stand for.
Other people will disagree with your opinions and beliefs. Allow yourself room to grow in your beliefs, but also stand strong and don’t remain silent or give in to their opinions just because you start to feel uncomfortable.
Diversity is what makes this world beautiful and lively. It is what makes all of life strong. So, indulge in your own views and share them with others.
Don’t back down or think you’re wrong because someone else thinks something different.
Also, don’t just assume you’re right because someone agrees with you; and don’t assume you’re right because you are being argued with. (I smell a follow-up article brewing…)
So, what else you got? How do you detach from a “heat of the moment” situation and make it not about you?
How do you personally let go of the need for people to like you?
Please share in the comment box below!
Very well said, Rachael. This really hit home with me. I needed to be reminded of certain points made in this article. Thanks!
I’m so glad the article is helpful! I need to remind myself of this daily… Thank you for reading and commenting, Tina!
Nice read, Rach! There is another famous quote that says, “I don’t want everyone to like me. I’d think less of some people if they did.” And then the oldie but goodie, “It’s none of my business what you think of me, it’s all my business what I think of me.” Your Mom is right. Only one person I can control is me. I loved it when I finally learned that I am worthy of being liked by me, worthy of my own respect, and worthy of a place at the table.
Love those quotes, Chris Mom! I definitely question some people who like me :) It’s so nice to hear from someone who has truly learned self-love and self-worth. You are inspiring. Thank you very much for sharing!
Many people aren’t all that likeable in return, beyond their veneer, so this advice is easy to take!
One should be taught this at a young age to use time more wisely throughout life.
Filed under “I wish I knew then what I know now.”