We all go through a phase where we blame our parents for the negative aspects of who we are and where we are (or are not) in our lives. Though it’s useful to reflect on the past, it’s not helpful to continue blaming.
When we consistently blame others, we entrap ourselves and give other people control over our thoughts, feelings, decisions, and lives. And it’s hard when those people are our parents – really, really hard. The emotional ties are so strong, and it’s difficult to detach from the messages and treatment during our upbringing, especially when we harbor dark memories.
But at some point, we need to free ourselves from the emotional bondage that keeps us from living fully.
We are inevitably a product of our upbringing, but we are not exact replicas of our parents, guardians, or siblings. We always have the choice to be different, and we always have the choice and the right to be happy.
A Note from Rachael on December 29, 2019:
This article was originally posted on March 2, 2014, and received mixed comments. Some parents felt hopeful that their children’s animosity toward them might be unwarranted or just a phase that would pass with time. Others who experienced challenging upbringings were outraged by my stance on taking personal responsibility for our thoughts and lives. Some comments even created a bit of controversy among readers. So, I removed them. (The comments, that is.)
This website is not meant to be a platform for heated discussions about who had a worse childhood and who has more right to be angry. Instead, this is supposed to be a place people stumble upon while browsing the internet looking for encouragement and positivity. Therefore, I removed the old article and replaced the content with the message I always intended to communicate.
It’s brief, but I hope you find it helpful.