Forgiveness is not about making someone say “I’m sorry.” It’s not about hanging our heads in shame or lamenting our wrongdoings. It’s not about who’s right or wrong, who’s better or worse.

Most day-to-day experiences do not require such a strong emotional emphasis. In fact, they require the opposite. They require us to let go of emotional attachments instead of strengthening our grasp around them.

Now, there are words and deeds in this world that seem absolutely unforgivable. So horrid and cruel. So not-love it’s absurd. But love, acceptance, and letting go can still be applied to such experiences. It’s just harder. And it takes a lot longer.

At the end of the day, forgiveness on any scale is about love and letting go. As tempting as it is to force someone to recognize and pay for our grief, it serves no real benefit. When we give into the temptation, we absorb and become the not-love. So, instead, we must exercise our strength to transform the not-love by letting go of our need for it.